May 19, 2013
Faith, for me, is like Humility.
Once I think I have it, I usually find out how wrong I am...and how much further I have to go in my quest to become what I am supposed to become.....
And so I have been becoming....
This past week we finished up our V.I.P. (Vanguard in Production) Shakespeare Play, Comedy of Errors. We were scheduled to perform at an outdoor amphitheater. We had spent a dress rehearsal baking in the hot sun, and we were ready to perform!
But, alas, the weather man said Rain. Rain, and Rain, and Rain....oh my! All day Friday it was cloudy...not a ray of sunshine in the sky. And ALL day long in my heart I prayed, please don't let it rain, please don't let it rain, PLEASE don't let it rain. And every five minutes I checked the weather, and ksl, and weather.com and the hourly play by play. And everywhere told me that it was going to Rain through our WHOLE performance.
But it wasn't raining, and it wasn't raining...and (drum roll please) it DIDN'T rain!
We had a lovely performance. And the youth were shining, and the audience was laughing, and the concession stand nacho's were delicious, and it was just about as close to perfect as life can be in any given moment. Ahhhh!
We finished our performance, took everything down, and started loading up the truck when, drip, drop, splish, splash the first inklings of water started to fall from heaven. We hastened to finish our job and drove merrily home whilst all around us the torrents poured and poured. It rained so hard that we didn't even unload any props, just sprinting into the dry abode.
And I said thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! for holding the rain. And the weather man even said, "it was so strange. The storm system we told you was coming today just sat all day out to the west" And I said, Thank you AGAIN! And I knew in my heart the Lord had given me a blessing. And I knew that He had stayed the rain for me! And I knew my prayers were answered.
And it Was raining, and it Was drenching, and it Was Soaking. And I got scared! I looked at the puddles forming outside my window, and I looked at the gutters overflowing with streams of liquid, and I looked at the cardboard props getting soggy and I wondered... and my faith wavered. And I thought...where is the line when you trust the Lord to solve your problems and when do you have to solve them yourself? And I pondered...am I worthy to have two miracles in one weekend. And I doubted.
I frantically spent my lovely afternoon....which I should have spent packing for our Outdoor Adventure... sending emails and texts and fliers and phone calls trying to make sure that everyone knew about a change in venue. I finished. I sat for a deep breath. And then...AND THEN...the Sun came out! And the SUN that wasn't supposed to be here was shining with a vengance. And I said...please, can't you make it rain, I'm sure it's going to rain, it just has to rain, WHERE is the rain?!? And every five minutes I checked the weather, and ksl and weather.com and the hourly play by play. And eveywhere STILL told me that it was going to Rain through our whole performance, but the Sun was Shining!
And WHY couldn't it just rain, so I won't feel so foolish for my lack of faith. And the sad part of that thought was....Heavenly Father...who is the only one who matters....already knows how foolish I am, and how much faith I lack, and how much humility I still need to learn, and how weak and frail and unfaith-full I am. And He shared with me my need to repent, and learn, and try again...and again....and again. And I pondered, and I was humbled, and I thought..."Oh me of little faith...wherefore did I doubt...especially when yesterday I was given a great miracle"
And then I was blessed with a bit of insight.....I'll share it with you....
It is so hard to have faith that the Lord can send the sun to shine and that He can dramatically change the weather, and He WOULD WANT to be involved in the minute details of my insignificant life....when the rain IS pouring...and I don't believe the sun will shine again.
I learn how much more I HAVE to become....
Once I used to believe I had faith. ...But I am ALWAYS wrong; and I have much, much farther to go in my quest to become what I am supposed to become.....
And Faith is JUST like Humility. And I need lots more of both (thus the blog post ;))
And I am still pondering on Faith.....
Posted by buzy bee at 1:52 PM