Chapter #2 Appreciate Him
Eyes....they are pretty amazing things. I have been reading a book about a blind man and I have been amazed at all the things he points out that our eyes do for us. Yet sometimes they trip us up too. Sometimes our eyes get in the way of the things our hearts really see.
Karen Andelin in her book Fascinating Womanhood tells us:
Learn to see him through new eyes. True love has three eyes.
One eye is dim, dim to his faults
A second eye sees him as the world does
A third eye sees him as no one else sees him and appreciates him as no one else does
She also gives a list of things to appreciate (in case you need a few ideas)
What He Does for You
I made up my own list (pretty much the same)
Virtue: I learned recently that Virtue in it's pure latin form really means to do what you were meant to do...what God wants you to do. What does my husband do that he was meant to do? He provides for our family, He is a great husband and has always put me first in everything. He is a great father to our children in his teaching, his mindfulness, and his patience with them.
We may not SEE that our husband are the men WE think they should be. We may be blind to the generous person he is at work, or to the great athlete he is when he rides his bike, or to the thought he put into that note he wrote to his daughter.
I think when we open our other eyes and become blind in the first one ...I know for me I can see so many things that surprise me...so much virute and strength and willingness, and greatness that is to be found.
Genius: A few years ago Oliver DeMille gave a great talk at a TJED conference about genius. It was brilliant and has stuck with me for a long time...obviously. But I was really struck by it as I read this chapter. My husband is a genius and I don't appreciate it nearly enough.
Why? Because my genius is different from his....and because what my first eye saw...you know the one that is supposed to be blind....oops...my first eye saw that his genius wasn't what I thought his genius should be. But when I closed that eye and the other two popped open I realized that he is a genius.
We all are...every husband out there is a genius. Because God is a genius and as His children he has given ALL of us some of that....I need to SEE it though... I need to LOOK for it though....and then I MUST appreciate it... HIM.
Duties: One of my hugest flaws is my lack of appreciating the little things. Sometimes my husband is working is tail off to please me and I think well...he's just doing what he is supposed to do.
How many wives complain about this very thing?....I did the dishes, cleaned the house, did like 100 loads of laundry, got my hair cut and had dinner on the table...and no one even noticed.....by the way it's not his job to notice...it's YOUR job to notice.
When he comes home on time do I say...I love that you are home on time it is so nice to see you.. When he takes the garbage out on garbage day 15 minutes before the truck rolls down the road do I say Thanks so much for doing that job for me...I completly forgot and I'm so glad you rememberd. When he goes to work every single day and every single week and month and year do I say thank you...thanks for taking such good care of us.
My husband has great virtue, genius and does ALL his duties with a willing heart and I love Him for them. AND I need to tell him and show him and gush over all the great things he does. And when I do...he loves me even more and he becomes even more virtuous and his genius grows and he does more duties with a willing heart.
Eyes: I've decided I have too many. I am hoping that one day I will only have two eyes...the ones that appreciate and see the good that everyone around me is doing every day...and the eye that sees others genius, that sees the potential and the gifts that God has placed there. Because lets be honest I don't really need the other one...EVER. It does not help me to become the person I want to be and it does not help anyone else in their pathway either.
#2 Appreciate...every day, the little things, and the big ones. ..(and CLOSE THAT EYE! :) )
(disclaimer....still not an expert on marriage)