May 21, 2010

Make Him Number 1

Chapter #4 Make Him Number One

Have you ever ridden on a merry go round? I mean a real old fashioned sit your bum down on the cold steel and spin and spin and spin. I loved it as a child. I loved the riding and spinning and hanging over the side and I even loved the pushing and watching the other children go round and round and the joy and pleasure on their faces and then trying to jump myself up on to enjoy the ride too. I didn't even mind the stopping when someones mom said it was time to go home or someone was sick and wanted to get off. Ah, to be young again.

Do you sometimes feel like your on a merry go round? I mean.... your here... your there, the world is spinning quickly past you, the wind is chasing all your hopes and dreams away, someone is telling you not to hang off the side you might get hurt, someones stepping on you as they try to climb their way on board. You can't make it stop, your going to be sick. Hey, I think I just described my house yesterday :)

Have you ever stood in the middle to the merry go round and looked straight up or straight down? There is something about standing in the middle that is different from hanging off the edge, or jumping on the side, there is a place of calmness, a place where you can't feel the motion (as much) , where you can't be swayed or pulled or moved....If you can stay there :)

Have you ever put your husband as the center of your merry go round? We all live lifes (sorf-of)like a merry go round...the washing, the dishes, the children, the schooling, the cooking, the cleaning. All speeding by us at an alarming pace just to see the next spin coming around the corner. But what is at the center of our merry go round? Where is that middle place that is different... that is calmer and where you can't see those other things flying by? It is our husbands. He is the center of our lives around which all other activities revolve.

In the know that one I am always talking about lately...Are you sick of it yet? :) She mentions a few of those activities that we sometimes put in the center of our merry go rounds. I've done it...have you?

How about Kids? Ever put your kids at the center of your merry go round. There is a sure way to get dizzy :). I love my kids and I often am tempted to put them in the center of my merry go round. But, even though it is my job to nurture and help them to grow they are one of the things on my go round that will pass by....did I mention that it is at an alarming pace? I cherish this place on the merry go round, the place of teaching and working and helping and loving. But this view will all too soon be gone. My children will be pushing their own merry go rounds some day and although I can visit theirs I won't be able to stay too long. If I put them at the center of my merry go round then when they move on all I will have will be an empty merry go round with a hole in the middle. A hole that should have been filled all along. How many times have you heard...the best way to love your children is by loving their father? Read any good marriage book and I promise you'll hear it. Because they all know it is true. The best way to strengthen your home is to strengthen your marriage. My kids are not the center of my husband is.

How about the house? Ever put your house at the center of your merry go round? This is a sure way to get sick :) I love cleaning and organizing and if I'm honest I could spend all day doing it and nothing else but thinking and listening and singing and taking care of my house. But, even though it is my job to have my home neat and tidy and clean and peaceful and calm my merry go round will pass this by too. Some day when I look out from my merry go round the view may show me exactly what I think I want..a quiet, empty, spotless house. But not a home. Not a place where others congregate and where love is spoken...even if it is loud voices. Some day I will spend 15 minutes spinning my way around my house and it will look like I've spent hours, but today is not that day. Today I will spin by a few loads of laundry waiting for tomorrow. Today I will spin by a not-quite-nutritious-enough meal...but it's hot and ready and not from Little Ceasers. BUT what about getting to the center. How will I get there. I will have to run to the center of my merry go round to make sure I said hello as he walks in the door from work. I will have to wait to spin my thoughts into cyber space until he is busy and doesn't need me. I will have to not worry about making sure that this house looks just the way I think it should because the house is a place. A place to come and grow and play and be together. A house is NOT nurturing or playful or giving in any is just a place. A husband is to come and grow and play with and be together and to be the center of it all...of all the growing and playing and togetherness.

How about your appearance, your scrapbook, your novel, your sister, your friend, your mother, money...prestige...sucess? Are those things at the center of your merry go round? I could go on and on and on, but I think you get the point. What do I put at the center of my merry go round that doesn't belong there. Because he does. That place belongs to him. I gave it to him on the day I said, "I Do" I agreed that he could be the center of my merry go round. And so sometimes I have to stop all the spinning and the fun and thrills that I see whirling by me and I must focus on the thing that really matters...him.

Have you ever put your husband number 1 in your life. I mean really sit your bum down on the cold hard truth and give up some things that you thought were really important to you and love him, and love him and love him. I love being a wife. I love the sharing and giving, and blessing and moments that come from giving myself wholly unto my husband....not just when it's convenient, not just when I wanted to stop cleaning anyway, not just when all the kids are out of the house, not just when he wants me too...because he is #1. Ah, to be a wife!

(disclaimer....beware of dizziness while reading this post. You may want to refrain from driving or operating heavy machinery for a few minutes :) )


  1. Did you just say that your children aren't the center of the universe? Heartless mother!

    I'm still working on this so I don't even know what it looks like to put my husband first in my crazy days full of children and housekeeping. Can you write a post about that?

  2. Well, for me it looks like whenever he is home I am with him...not obsessively, just being in the general vicinity, talking, asking questions, working on a project together. My free time is not mine anymore...and this is probably the hardest thing. I remember asking a friend one time about her time away from her children and she said...what time? And I realized that she didn't need time away from her children. And I am happy to report that two years later it is possible. I don't need time to myself away from my children to be fulfilled. I have been thinking about this in relation to my husband too I need my "free" time. The time when all the children are in bed to really be MY that our time. Our time to snuggle or visit or walk or sing...or like right now, to both be on the computer and we look at each other and smile every few minutes. I still have those moments that I HAVE to get something done or I will die...or someone else will, but those are the exception now...and not the rule. Hope that helps a little bit :)....this comment was almost as long as a post :)