May 7, 2010

Not in a million years

Have you ever done something all the while thinking...there is no way this is going to work!

I have....several times actually. :) But this time I didn't actually go into it thinking that. I went into this new life thinking I want to be a better wife and a better mother....mabey this will help me. I didn't go into this hoping my husband would change or be a better husband. I didn't go into this hoping my children would become better children. My only desire was to find a way to be better myself. To be a better wife, mother, and homemaker.

This new life comes from a book called Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin. And, I love it.

The more amazing thing about it is, that it works. The book says "Do _____ "and you think..there is no way that just by changing my attitude or my actions in this one thing is going to make that much difference in my marriage. Or, even (have you ever thought this one...) there is no way that by "going back" to traditional roles and values that I will be a better wife and mother.

I personally am a recovering feminist...I hate to admit it. There was once a time and place in my life where I didn't want to have children, and where I just wanted a carreer...and I even wanted to pass up others and beat men at their own game. I have since repented and repented and repented. And even though I didn't consider myself a feminist anymore I still found as I have been reading this book that I have a LLLLLOOOONNNGGGG way to go on being a better wife and woman.

I have found that by taking care of my husband physically by cooking him a hot breakfast...or lets be honest sometimes a smoothie and toast....keeping his laundry clean and tidy, and taking care of our home every day so that he doesn't have to worry about those things has given him the freedom to do some of the things that I never thought he would do...but always hoped he two goat milking pens, take care of the sick animals, finish the wood floor that's been waiting for six moths, and so many more things that are too long to list.

I have found that by taking care of my husband emotionally like admiring his manly qualities, his skills and abilities, his achievements and his dreams; accepting him for who he is right now and realizing it is not my job to change him; appreciating him for the kind things he does for me and for our family, for providing for us, for his character, and for his intellect; and making him more important than the children, than the house, than friends, than appearance...(unfortunately I should take a little more time with this one :)) than the internet (okay, I may take too much time with this one :) ) that he feels strengthened and supported in our relationship and he gives back to me emotionally, physically and in kind loving ways.

I have found that by giving my husband back his roles of guide, protector, decision maker, managing the money, and provider that I have peace. I am not worried about money, I am not concerned about our future, I am not worried about becomeing a great leader...these are his jobs not mine...and I truly have given them up, not just a little bit. They are his, no longer mine in any way. I am free not to worry. I am free not to fret about things I do not control anyway. I am free to worry about the things I am in charge of...if you haven't noticed it yet...those are being a wife and mother and he actually enjoys being in charge of his roles as well. It is empowering for both of us.

I have found doing my jobs of being humble and loving, being thrifty, being the homemaker, and the nurturer, the child rearer, the child bearer, cooperating with his ideas and dreams, and making home life more peaceful I have found a great joy that I have never felt before. I have been fulfilled. I have found more peacefulness in my own heart towards others and especially towards my husband and my children.

By the way, I am only on chapter 12 so there is much more that I have to learn. The most surprising thing to me is that by doing the very things that I think are unimportant, useless, or atleast uninfluential I have found the most purpose, joy and blessing in and from.
Cleaning the home, wearing a dress, not shopping, admiring, appreciating and accepting my husband (these are done by actual words and by actions), giving up of my own selfish wants and needs, and too many more things to list, but you can probably figure it out...all those things that we want our husbands to do for us or atleast help us with, these are the very things that have changed my own heart and inturn changed the heart of my husband....
I'll go into this more later....I'll probably go into a lot of it again later...for my own benefit so that I won't forget to keep doing what I know is right and remembering the blessings that come from doing what is mine to do.

So, have you ever said..that will never work, not in a million years!...well, it just might. It just might bring joy and peace and love and caring and exactly what you have always hoped for and wanted in your home. But it may be painful, you may resist it, you may think that you can't do know that ONE thing your still hanging on to :) But if it is your mission to be a better wife and spouce and companion and helpmeet then mabey you might enjoy this journey too. I'd love to have a few more strong willed, independent, beautiful, thoughtful, passionate women take this journey with me.


  1. Thank you for this post, and the previous one! This is a subject that has been on my mind for a few weeks now. I have started to reclaim all my homemaking duties. The next step is to praise him for his manliness. I've been toying with the dress idea for a few years. I go in spurts... Keep writing and sharing your journey!

  2. I, too, have begun this journey in earnest. I want to improve my own family as we embrace our roles and teach my young adult daughters the joy of womanhood. It truly is joyful.
    I shared your previous post with my husband who enjoyed it enough to print it off to share. Thanks again. I'll be watching for more.

  3. Ooh, count me in! I'll get my hands on that book when I can, but until then I'll just bask in your joyful discoveries and try to impliment them here, too.

  4. Are you kidding me? 'Fascinating Womanhood' is pure trash. Oh, it does have comic value, but as a way to live your life, it was written by a pyschotic freak. I feel sorry that you're currently at a point in your life that this book appeals to you.