Chapter #1
How do I accept my husband?
a. Accept him by: Loving him for the man he is today, right now, without any changes.
I have realized that everyone wants to be loved for who they are...even though we all know that deep down we are flawed. I still want to be loved even though I often fail at being a wife and mother. My husband feels the same way. He wants to be loved with all his flaws and I am happy to say with all his strengths, and when we are honest our husbands strengths often outweigh his flaws.
b. Accept Him by: Understanding that it is NOT my responsibility to make him into the man he is to be.
About a year ago I think I might have been a semi-control freek...mabey :) I thought that if it was to be.... it was up to me. How is that for prideful selfish thinking. Then I learned that the only things I can control are : me, myself, and I. Phew! What a relief.
c. Accept Him by: Giving him His freedom. What does a man really want? As a great man once said (Patrick Henry) Give me liberty or give me death. A man wants to be free. Free to come home and feel free, not burdened with a check list, not given a list of the nights agenda, not commanded to continue working, earning, giving. A man really wants to do these things anyway...he wants to take care of those things that need fixed around the house, he wants to go to his son's scout meeting, he wants to give time to his wife and his children. But HE wants to choose it. He doesn't want it to be forced upon him. (ps. if you don't believe it, try it. Give up your naggin and nettling and lists and see all the things he will do without you even asking... I did and I wouldn't go back! )
So, what Do I do? Learn to appreciate the things that really count about your husband. Does he provide for you family?....that is huge! Does he come home and tell your kids stories about the interesting things that happened at work today? ....that is quality bonding time as they lean in closer not to miss a thing. Does he get up early and stay up late trying to fit everything in and meet your every need and still have a moment for himself...wouldn't trade that for the world. What does he do that you just love and wouldnt want to change? Love that one thing!
What Do i do? Humility and love. I am not a better person than my husband. We are equal. We are two human beings living a glorious and flawed life. We both receive tender mercies from the Lord and we both have trials to endure. We are both blessed. He has many great strengths that I marvel at and thank the Lord for. He has a few...very few...faults and I trust him completely to become who he is to become. I love him for both. I love him for the good and the bad and for the journey which we struggle on together.
What Do I do? My job is to be a secure safe haven where he can relax, be himself and feel secure.....don't all little boys want this too :) A place of complete love and acceptance for who they are...even if it is dirty, muddy, smelly, squishy, silly, and completely unruly (husbands and little boys) they just want to have someone love them despite all the snips and snails and puppy dog tails just because they are worth loving.
And I feel my husband is worth loving. He is worth loving for all the good things he does. For getting up in the middle of the night to fix those darn goats...again! for the sweet backrubs he gives me when the stress is mounting, for listening while I share my huge ( small ) problems, for putting up with all my changing over the years...and then changing again (he really hates change), for being a true friend who loves me with all of my faults and silly girl hopes and dreams. Because he has great character and strength and because he is all that I am not but hope to be one day.
The Lord asks me to accept some things of Him. To love Him, To put nothing else before Him, to Obey Him, to Keep His commandments. What does the Lord ask us to do in our relationships with our husbands. To love him, to put nothing (except the Lord) before him, to obey him, to keep his commands.
And I feel the Lord is worth loving. He is just and true and good and merciful and he blesses my life and my heart every day...when the stress is mounting, while I share my huge (small) problems, while I sin over the years...and then sin again. He is all that I am not, but hope to be some day.
#1 Accept (the end)
(disclaimer...I am not a marriage counselor, I do not have specific advice for individual cases. I believe in principles and truths and try to make my actions conqruent with what I believe is right and wrong. Any with marriage problems should find their own answers or seek help with a qualified conselor or religious leader....I am neither. Just my opinions...enjoy or reject at your leisure :) )
I totally agree. Before i was married my mom had me read The proper care and feeding of husbands by Dr. Laura Slesinger (spelling?) It was a really good book that made me realize that men have all of the emotional needs that we have, they just hide them or show them in different ways. It is important for women to support their husbands with all of their emotional needs and wants otherwise they get unhappy and will sometimes go somewhere else to get those needs fulfilled. i am glad that you and your awesome hubby appreciate and love each other! Yah for happy Families! :)
ReplyDeleteA few years ago I was in a massage session complaining about all the things that I had to make sure my husband did or he wouldn't do them. My massage Therapist said, "So, what if they don't happen?" The control freak in me sputtered, but then I calmed and really took that to heart. And I stopped nagging and correcting and telling him what to do (except when I slip up occasionally). And it's true, what you say! He wants to do those things anyway, and he does them. He's more faithful in his fatherly duties now that I've stopped telling him what those duties are.
ReplyDeleteThanks for such a great post!