Doing it Right

Recently a good friend told me about a "system" that she was implementing at her home. It has been so beneficial to our family that I wanted to share it with others.

My children have many jobs that they are required to do, and this I feel good about. The problem is that they like to do them fast, get them over with and move on to doing the things that they want to do, and I feel good about this too. But, this can lead to problems...like 100 dishes soaking in the sink because truly there is food on them so they must need to soak a little longer... or how about this one...yes, I'm sure I cleaned my bathroom today (I'm staring at the toothpast in the sink and thinking..... no way!)

So, now for the brilliant plan: Good, Better, Best (sound familiar)

A few weeks ago we all started out in Good.

Good means that it is time for mommy to teach you how to do your job the right way.

Mom takes each child by themselves and instructs them how to do their job, reminds them of things they are missing and basically waits in close proximity while they complete their job and then checks off the job to make sure that no parts were skipped...purposefully or accidentally

In order for me to teach I needed to know that additional messes and problems were not being created so when my children are in good they must take turns sitting on the couch without book, pen, paper or toys. They were told that this is not a punishment it is what we do when we are in good. I would take one child at a time and we would work on a job together. It took us a LOOOONNNNGGGG time to finish our jobs. But when we were finished the house was spic and span. That has not happened for quite some time

After two days of tortured sitting on the couch for several hours a day the girls were freed to move to Better.

Better means that you are free to do your job without supervision.

You are also free to do your jobs in any order and at any time that you choose (in the alloted job time) Better means that when you are finished you must come and find mom, lead me showing me each of your jobs that is completed.

The boys I found were dragging their feet a bit and doodling so they had to stay in good and take turns waiting for each other. This only lasted two more days because they saw how the girls were done more than an hour before they were because the didn't have to be supervised by mom.

After a full week the boys had moved to Better and the girls were freed to Best.

In Best children return and report that their jobs are done.

I do not have to review their jobs or check on their completion.

I trust them that when they tell me their jobs are done that they are done in the right way.

I have really enjoyed this simple system. There are no treats or silly rewards or charts to keep up. They know what they are to do and they know how they are to do it, and they know if they are trustworthy that they earn more free time and if they are sloppy and careless then they will loose freedom and have to be supervised again. The children know that they may move up and down from good to better to best at any time depending on if I have to remind, reprimand, conjoul, or encourage quickness.

I also must admit, I am requiring quite a bit from my children.

Here are my lists for my four children..age 7 to 11: (they rotate lists on a monthly basis so each child does one list for a whole month and then everyone gets a new list)

#1

Cook...all three meals...younger two children under 10 are aided by mom

Set and Clear Table...we find this job goes good with cook since the chef needs to put away all food and preparation before and after dinner. (kitchen job)

Garbage...gather, empty, reload liner

Cleaning Room...make bed, sweep floor, pick up

Kids Bathroom....wiping down sink and toilet and sweep

Sweep 2nd Floor

#2

Laundry...starting washer, hanging up clothes to dry, sorting socks, emptying dryer and fold and put away

Counters, Fridge, Sink (kitchen job)....clear and wipe

Chickens...feed and water

Cleaning Room

Master Bathroom

Vacuum all of the upstairs

#3

Dishes (kitchen job and regular job) rinse, load dishwasher, unload dishwasher

Garbage

Cleaning Room

Downstairs Bathroom

Sweep downstairs

#4

Pick up....all of the upstairs, the stairs and the "mud" room

Table and Chairs...wash all parts including legs

Chickens

Cleaning Room

Upstairs Bathroom

Sweep upstairs....and shake out rugs

We start our morning with a devotional and scripture study at 7:30-8:00 and then our chef for the month is free to cook and everyone else works on all of their jobs...except their kitchen job. Mom is avaliable and working on her own jobs...cleaning my room, doing extra jobs, cleaning out closets, etc. We all gather together for breakfast usually by 9:00, then we all work on kitchen jobs and any other jobs that have not been completed yet...usually sweeping and garbage are the only other jobs remaining. Our alloted job time is to be finished by 10:00 at which time we have another devotional...more secular knowledge and family reading. At 11:00 we have family work time until 12 or 12:30 or 1:00 depending on the job and how much energy the mama has.

All jobs are required to be done once a day...in the morning, except kitchen jobs which are done three times a day...breakfast, lunch and dinner. Laundry, Cook and Pick up may also be required to do more than just once in the morning.

I have noticed a large difference in requiring that the job be done well. My children were doing all of their jobs before, but they were only half done jobs and I was finding that I was picking up the slack....changing the laundry, picking up things left on the floor, washing the counters off better etc. I have noticed that my children are very capable of doing a job well and that I was short changing myself by only requiring a half of a job. When my children are older I want then to know how to do a thing well, and to put in the hard work and effort to finish it the right way and in the right time.

It may seems strict...it is. It may seem like a pain...it was, especially for the first two days when we literally spent the whole day working on our jobs. It may seem like a lot of jobs to require but they do a great job and are becoming proficient in many areas. I am glad for wise friends who share their wisdom with me. This has come as such a blessing in our home at this time, especially during this last stretch of the pregnancy when my abilities and capabilities are reduced. It has been a blessing to see these sweet little spirits step up and be truly responsible and wise stewards over a few things in our family.

On a side note, we also have Saturday jobs. They are still required to complete their daily jobs but in addition the person on cook (#1) plans the meals and goes grocery shopping with a parent. They also vacuum and wash off the benches in the kitchen and family room. The person on laundry (#2) is in charge of counters so they are in charge of helping put the groceries away and and prep of any food...veggies and fruit. The dishes person (#3) is on washing all the fruits and veggies. They must make sure the dishes are all out of the sink so that the fruit has a place to be washed...#2 and #3 work together to finish these jobs. This person also sweeps or vacuums the stairway. (#4) is also in charge of sweeping or vaccuming the stairs. Each person also is in charge of cleaning out their cubby...the area where they keep their school work and other items stored during the week. And we all take a level of the fridge and clean out the fridge each saturday morning before the weeks shopping comes home and needs to be put away. Doing these few little extras has made the week go by so much smoother.

As with any "system" this plan is of course not for everyone, maybe you can take some little gem and make it your own. I love working from principles. It is a principle to do something and do it right. This is dating me...but I still remember that song that good ol' Mr Rogers would sing about if your going to take the time to do it, take the time to do it right. I think this is a powerful principle to teach children as they are growing up and learning wisdom in their youth...To Do It Right.

ps. I do have a 3 year old living at my house as well. He does not have a list of jobs but he sweeps his room...very poorly....each morning and he follows me around and helps me with all of the extra's that I am working on for that day. He is also very helpful in wanting to help the other kids to complete their jobs so he will help with the laundry and help with cook...if he can get away with it :) and help with sweeping. The kids know that he doesn't get passed off for doing their job but they can allow him to help and usually enjoy having a little buddy to do things with. I do not feel that at his young age it is the appropriate time to require him to reach perfection in the few jobs that I am giving him to do. I sometimes will show him how to do something a little better but mostly I just smile and give him hugs for trying. To everything in life there is a season, he will have his turn someday to learn to do it right.

A Mentor

Last year I received a guitar for Christmas from my hubby. I was really excited. I purchased a book, asked a friend to come over and teach me a little how to play, and goofed around with it for a while. Then it just wasn't fun anymore, I broke a string and put it away.

Recently I heard about a guitar class being taught at a local high school. I debated...was it worth the money, was it worth the time commitment, would I really learn anything. I decided to go for it....even though my 12 yo said...what are you going to do when your stomach gets too big and you loose your lap...rude..but good point :)

I attended the first class, there were 40 people in the class, I was disappointed, how will I learn with 40 other people in the class? Our instructor began teaching..about the basics of the guitar, about how to read music, about strumming, about fingering, and chords. In the course of one hour she covered all of these things...she's pretty amazing...I came home and played a song for my family. I'm pretty choppy. Wednesday I had to stop and look at my fingers to make sure they are on the right strings, my strumming is still pretty stiff, my fingers sometimes slip off the notes. But today as I played I only looked at my fingers one time, my strumming is still pretty stiff, my pauses between chord changes are still a little choppy. Our new little friend says...mommy keeps stopping, (while I'm singing the song) but by next lesson I'm determined to have this song down.

So, what does this have to do with mentoring? Could I have learned to play the guitar all by myself?...probably. I read my book, I could figure out the chords, I could already read music. But the mentor taught me some things I had not thought of ( one of her tricks was "think in your own mind a way that you can correlate the changing of the chords from one to another ie...the first finger slides up to the first fret, the third and fourth fingers are glued together, first and second finger split and move, etc") The mentor challenged us. ("play until it hurts, don't play until it bleeds..I don't want any bleeding, but play until it hurts, I'd like to see some nice calous' next week") The mentor shared her love of the guitar and her passion for teaching us to love the guitar.

When the student is ready, the mentor appears? I don't know that as I student I was ready per se, except that I made the decision to be willing to sacrifice the time and the money and the effort. But I think as parents and students we need to realize that we have some work to do. For example, we were discussing how to know if your child needs a mentor to inspire in math. I believe that a child does not need a mentor in math until they have mastered the basics. There is really no point in my child being mentored in Euclid if they can't add 5 +7 or 4 X 9. Those are the basics. Some individuals in my guitar class have no musical background. They received their guitars for Christmas and now they want to learn how to play. The mentor could see their "deer in the headlights" looks as she cruised through the material. To me she was just right. Her little tips and tricks, her little analogies and excitement, her challenges were just right. I was ready to take guitar lessons. The basics didn't phase me. I don't have to memorize the frets and the strings and the fingering. I already learned those things. I don't have to work on counting, reading notes, or time signatures. I am ready to be mentored in how to play the guitar.

As parents, and students, how important it is to lay the ground work. To teach and learn the basics. Once we have mastered the basics it is easy to be mentored. We are ready to take off, to soar, to become something more. Without basics we get stuck and bored and frustrated with our ability to progress. It is why we learn to read, write and basic arithmetic. It is why we learn about George Washington before reading the Declaration. It is why we learn about the sun before we study the laws of physics.

It is why the Lord teaches us line upon line. He asks us to listen to the missionaries, to read a book, to go to church, then to pay tithing. Missionaries don't walk up to people and ask them to pay tithing. It is a process. It gets harder as you go along. Sometimes I look down the road and think...really? Do I need to become THAT? But if I look at the steps in front of me I am ready for each one when the time comes. After all God is the greatest mentor of all. He knows when to push and when to wait, when to let us master a few more basics and when we are ready to soar ahead.

Soaring to Greater Heights

by Deborah Smith Plemmons

I watched an eagle soar to great heights.

How majestic he was in his flight.

He swooped down quickly to catch his prey.

He was quite prosperous that day.

High on a rock, an eagle's nest can be found.

It protects her young from danger on the ground.

She watches over her young with great care.

There's not a mightier bird found anywhere.

Lord, I've prayed fervently many a night.

I'm ready now to take my flight.

May I soar the heavens in Your care.

I know Your strength will carry me anywhere.

Thank you, Lord, for my strength made anew.

Your Words I've claimed are always true.

I'll not faint or be made weary again,

If I draw from Your strength as a new day begins.

I've waited on You to make me strong.

I'm on higher ground, where I belong.

Like the eagle, I now have keener sight.

I'm soaring with You to greater heights.

Happy Mentoring or being Mentored :)

Idolatry

I am a Primary teacher at church, as such I don't get to attend the 'adult" meetings very often, but I received one of those special days and it was so rewarding to me.

I've been reading in the first 2000 years by Cleon Skousen about idolary and the worship of things other than the Lord. So when I attended Gospel Doctrine and the lesson was on Isaiah 40-49 talking about idolary and the things we put before God I was truly humbled.

My hubby leaned over to me and asked me what idols I had. I remarked that I wasn't sure since I'm not rich, famous, don't watch tv, movies, listen to the radio, or own anything worth anything. But our teacher refered us to a talk by President Kimball so I told him I would read the talk and let him know since I am SURE that there are several idols that I need to work on.

The talk is called The False God's We Worship by Spencer W Kimball dated June 1976.

In 1976 I was 3, so that might have been the only time in my life where I was not idolatrous. But as I read his words I was touched as to thoughts that have been stirring in my heart recently.

We have been dejunking our house, again, and again, and again and wondering how does all of this stuff keep coming in..stealing our time and our talents and our energy when it is not important? How do I seem to never have enough time and resources to help others? How do I become a wise steward? How do I teach my children to be wise stewards and to take care of those blessings they receive from the Lord.

President Kimball sure gave a good answer: "The Lord gave us a choice world and expects righteousness and obedience to His commandments in return. But when I review the performance of THIS people in comparison with what is expected, I am appalled and frightened. Iniquity seems to abound. The Destroyer seems to be taking full advantage of the time remaining to him in this, the great day of his power....The Brethren constantly cry out against that which is intolerable in the sight of the Lord; against pollution of mind, body and our surroundings; against vulgarity, stealing, lying, pride, and blasphemy; against fornication, adultery, homosexuality, and all other abuses of the sacred power to create; against murder and all that is like unto it; against all manner of desecration."

I don't know about you but when a prophet says words like appalled and frightened when referring to the saints in the church it makes me a little nervous...and lets be honest this was over 30 years ago, now days you cannot even speak homosexuality without receiving 150000 letters condeming you for preaching the Lord's truth.

Oh, and then he goes on...."That such a cry should be necessary among a people so blessed is amazing to me. And that such things should be found even among the Saints to some degree is scarcely believable, for these are a people who are in possession of many gifts of the Spirit, who have knowledge that puts the eternities into perspective, who have been shown the way to eternal life."

Okay, that one hurts! How can I engage in idolatry with all the blessings I have been blessed with and with all of the knowledge that I have about God's plan and exactly what he expects from me. How could the children of Israel murmur against the Lord when he guided them by a cloud during the day and a pilar of fire at night, when he blessed them with manna for 40 years, and yet they did, and so do I. I too forget my blessings, forget the many mighty miracles that touch my heart, forget the tender mercies He has shown to me and my family.

So, back to my pondering....what do I do about this problem of stuff, money, investments, things of this world? President Kimball does not mince words about this either. Here is the short list of things he specificall pointed out from the talk that we should use our blessings for: "Forgotten is the fact that our assignment is to use these many resources in our families and quorums to build up the kingdom of God—to further the missionary effort and the genealogical and temple work; to raise our children up as fruitful servants unto the Lord; to bless others in every way, that they may also be fruitful. Instead, we expend these blessings on our own desires, and as Moroni said, “Ye adorn yourselves with that which hath no life, and yet suffer the hungry, and the needy, and the naked, and the sick and the afflicted to pass by you, and notice them not.”

That too may be a little painful as we rush about doing our Christmas shopping and planning and preparations to make a "perfect day" of our own desire. When my blessings should be used to:

Build up the kingdom of God

Bless others

Missionary efforts

Bless others

Temple and Geneological work

Raising Children

I think that all of these categories are listed on my LDS tithing slip

Tithing

Fast Offerings

Ward Missionary

General Missionary

Humanitarian Aid

Temple Construction

Perpetual Education Fund

What a blessing to be able to go each Sunday and pick up a little slip of paper that reminds me of exactly what the Lord wishes me to do with my blessings. And once a month that little slip of paper is even delivered conveniently to my door. Which blessings am I giving back to Him and His work.

President Kimball says many other profound and thought provoking things about the military and service in the church and overcoming our economic weakness' but I don't want to go on and on quoting him, so I'll just share his closing thoughts and a few of my own inadequate and not so profound ones.

"the blessings begin to far outweigh the cost of leaving “the world” behind. Herein lies the only true happiness, and therefore we invite and welcome all men, everywhere, to join in this work. For those who are determined to serve the Lord at all costs, this is the way to eternal life. All else is but a means to that end. "

He says the way to overcome our idolatry is faith. It takes faith to leave the world behind. It takes faith to not worry about the "costs" we face all around us. It takes faith to give our whole hearts and souls to His work...as well as our means, time and talents. I need this kind of faith. I desire to be on the path to eternal life.

If I put something else beside the Lord first in my life it doesn't really matter what it is that I put there: money, prestige, fame, my own plan and desires, popularity, acceptance, the easy way, etc.

So, what is my idolatry? Selfishness, and lack of faith...and a few hundred other things :) What a blessing it is to see my weakness' and to know that the Lord can turn them into strengths and use them for His purposes. I will be praying this Christmas season for a new heart and a renewed faith and a greater desire to put the Lord first in all ways in my life.

Little Ones

It has been 7 long years since we've had a little one come and bless our family. 7 years ago I had twins. It is a lot of work to have twins. I also had a 4 year old and a 2 year old. It is a lot of work to have twins.

When my twins were 4 I started thinking about maybe having another baby. Our family was so lovely. Two boys, two girls. Everyone had a friend. But I felt that desire, that urge for another little one to come to our home.

But, we couldn't have another. We did all the tests and the doctor all but said...it's not going to happen without medication, surgery, assistance from us. I just wasn't interested in going that route. I decided that the Lord had blessed me with four glorious children and that I shouldn't be greedy in demandind that He bless me with more.

We looked into adoption, we looked into foster care, we kept trying on our own, but nothing changed. For some things it wasn't the right time, for others it was just not an option. Sometimes I would be reminded to count my many blessings and just be grateful.

Then our little visitor came. He is such a joy. He is happy and full of life. And dear hub has just grown attached to this little spirit that has brightened our home. He told me how he had forgotten what it was like to have a little one and how much he enjoyed being a Dad. And then it happened. Two weeks later I discovered the marvelous blessing. We are going to have another little life join our home.

It has been a rough five months. I know, I can't belileve I'm five months along and just now blogging about it, but I didn't want to write about all the hard things and all the sorrow and suffering, so I chose to write nothing...you know that thing your mother always told you, If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all... But I do feel a need to be grateful and to share our joy.

We are going to have a baby girl the first of May. The children are all excited. I'm excited and terrified all at the same time...it has been seven years! It has been like having a first child all over again, we gave away everything so we have been scouring the thrift stores and compiling a huge list of names that will be impossible to choose from. Dud, my 9yo, put the crib together this week and the girls washed and decorated it to perfection. It was fun to work together on a common cause. All my babies were babies together, what a blessing it is to be a family getting ready for a baby together.

Despite all the challenges and trials I am so grateful for this gift from God. He truly is good and merciful and amazes me with His blessings. I am so unworthy of all of them. It is a blessing to be able to look through the bad and the hard and see that it is all a blessing from Him who knows us best of all.

ps. we are only asking for one more small favor...maybe she could have red hair :)

A Day Off?

I'm sitting in my bed, playing with my blog today....You see, it's my birthday. My children have decided there are two things that they can give to me...a clean house, or a day off. My children don't want to clean the house today, so they've told me I get a day off :)

Ah! How do mothers do it all day without children! :) I have looked at every blog in the universe. Changed my own several times. Deleted over 200 emails and organized 200 more. Listened to several general conference talks, and homeschooling talks, read things I wanted to get read, and taken a nap. IT'S ONLY 11:oo AM!

I remember when I first began homeschooling and was talking with my friend who introduced me to tjed; and I asked her...what do you do when you need a break? She looked at me with a funny look on her face and I realized...SHE DOESN'T NEED A BREAK. How could that be? How could a mother not need to have a break from her children...doesn't she need time for herself, doesn't she need to fill her cup, doesn't she need a break from the work...physical and mental?

I also remember thinking I will never get there. I will never become that person. It took four years, but I remember the day that my husband said...why don't you go out, why don't you visit with your friends, why don't you take a class. And I realized I didn't need to. I don't need a break from my children. I love them. They are a part of me. They make my days full and joyfull. (I do not have perfect children, often their little tendencies drive me a little crazy, they still rough house, make messes and neglect things I think they should do....but I don't need a break from these things) When there is something I don't love about my child I realize what is happening is really that I need to do some teaching, some training, some more loving. You see, I have accepted my role as the mother of this home. It is my job to make my home what I would like it to be. If I am unhappy here it is my job to change it. Needing a break is (for me) just running away from the problems that need to be fixed.

The world teaches us as women and especially as mothers that we are entitled to a break, to do something for ourselves, to go to lunch with our friends, to talk on the phone all day, to escape from our "reality" for a minute, to have "time out for women" (pun intended). But I do not think that is what the Lord teaches us. I know it is not what Julie B Beck, our general relief society president is teaching (since I just finished listening to her talk again). She counseled us not to be "silly" women, she counseled us not to spend money on things which have no value, she counseled us to pray and to read our scriptures. We don't need our mothers, sisters, friends, confidants, neighbors to get those things done. We just need the Lord.

Well, I don't know how much more of this time off I can stand. I think I'll sneak out of my room and see if I get caught....well, maybe after one more nap :)

(disclaimer....I just wanted to point our that I do not think that enriching yourself, going to lunch, talking or the phone, or going to a seminar are evil or wrong or not what the Lord wants. What I do think is wrong is when we put those things above our families or above the Lord and what He wants us to do....in my opinon :) )

Classics

So, this wasn't the post I planned to write after my long sabatical from writing :) But I have been inspired as I was pondering Misfit Cygnet's blog post from earlier this week. If you don't read her blog, you should!

I left this comment on her blog earlier this week regarding the book Hunger Games. (sorry for those of you who have read it already...but I did change a few things)

I am a recovering Harry Potter addict. I read all of the books several times. I loved them. They were the thing that got me reading again. I loved listening to them. I could answer every question about "Harry Potter-ness." I will admit I was a little ( a lot) obsessed.

AND THEN, and then my eyes were opened to what God teaches about the glorification of priestcrafts and witchcraft.

Morm. 1: 19

19 And it came to pass that there were sorceries, and witchcrafts, and magics; and the power of the evil one was wrought upon all the face of the land, even unto the fulfilling of all the words of Abinadi, and also Samurel the Lamanite.

Morm. 2: 10

10 And it came to pass that the Nephites began to repent of their iniquity, and began to cry even as had been prophesied by Samuel the prophet; for behold no man could keep that which was his own, for the thieves, and the robbers, and the murderers, and the magic art, and the witchcraft which was in the land.

My extended family likes to give me a hard time because I used to love Harry Potter and then I quit cold turkey…threw out my books, threw out the movies (this was back when there were only two), and refused to see anymore.

I should mention here...I DO NOT desire to create a Harry Potter debate, or Hunger Game, or any other book that has magic, violence, romance, questionable language, etc. in it. I want to talk about principles. And for me the principle was obedience. God says this is wrong, that this is the power of the evil one, this is a kin to murderer's and thieves and robbers. So for me and my family we choose to believe it is wrong and do not partake.

However, this obedience has created a problem for me, now I am nervous even to read Narnia because of the “magic” and perversions. I cringe when I read the “magic” chapter in the Secret Garden or the inuendo’s in the Giver. It is so prevelant. It is everywhere. So, how do YOU judge? What criteria do you judge your books against?

My daughter received The Bridge to Terribithia for her birthday last year. She read the first chapter. It takes the Lord’s name in vain several times. She said she would not like to read it. I am proud of her for her courage and virtue. However, she now chooses not to read because she is afraid of what she will find. She is sticking with Little House on the Prarie and Anne of Green Gables and I can’t say I blame her. Almost every other book out there is steeped in magic (satan’s imitation of power), romance and/or pornography, incorrect attitudes towards parents and family or gender roles, glorification of self and achievements, etc. It is hard even to find picture books to read to small children that don’t include these over-tones. I once thought they were cute and fun and childlike. Now I understand them for what they are…calling evil good and good evil.

So, I began pondering......what makes a book good? What makes a book a classic? What makes it okay to read? What is the Lord's standard for me. What is the principle?

I have read some books that some consider classics. I will mention two here for the sake of my own personal argument (which may or may not be corect). And as I mentioned above I do not desire to start a dialogue about specific books and if they are good or not. But I thought of two books that I have enjoyed in the past and are "classics" Enders Game and Elantris. Both of these books, in my opinion, contain graphic violence and graphic language. Both also have strong messages about good and bad as well as virtues, friendships, qualities of a good leader, human nature, world views, healing etc.

When (just being honest for myself here)I reflect upon what I learned from reading them.....I did learn things. I learned things about society, I learned things about myself, I learned things about others that I love. My eyes were opened to understand things I didn't understand before. They were also both highly entertaining, quick paced, and well written. I did learn things. I did gain understanding. I did enjoy a good story. The Lord taught me some things from these books that I needed to learn.

BUT...and you'll notice it's a BIG BUT. When I read a classic like Jane Eyre I wanted to be more virtuous. I wanted to be more courageous. I wanted to be strong willed in my desires to keep the commandments...all of God's commands, not just the temptation to avoid immorality. I desire and am willing to sacrifice in order to become that type of person.

When I read The Chosen I want to be a better parent. I want to be a better friend. I want to understand the Jews, and other cultures and beliefs. I want to be vigilant in doing what I know my mission in life is to do and be. I want to read the Bible more and gain greater understanding. I want to become a better person.

EVERY TIME I read these books I am recommitted to those principles, and new ones. So, I may be wrong (as misfit says....I often am :) ) but I think truly to be a classic it must not only change us because we learn grow and have a different perspective, BUT (there's that word again) we must truly come closer to God by reading it. The book must give us courage and strength and righteous desires, and virtue, knowledge and ability to BE better. To be more like God is. It should help us see ourselves and others for who we truly are and who we truly must become. It should leave us wanting more...not because we wish the story would not have ended, but because we have been spiritually edified. Because we have received a new heart. Because we have repented of our lack of faith and understanding. Because for a few pages we were nearer to being who God means for us to be.

I have a new standard. It's a pretty high one. It's a pretty scary one. It's one that is going to take lots of prayer and faith and obedience. But I believe my time here on earth is precious. It is the time for me to prepare to meet God. I don't want to waste it when He can and I believe wants to guide me to something so much greater if I just turn it over to Him.

What books have you read lately that have drawn you closer to God, that have changed your heart, that have inspired you to BEcome?

The Green River

Our family went on our yearly annual run down the river a few weeks ago. We have rafted down the Green River off of the Flaming Gorge Dam for the past four years. It is a six mile raft ride and it is pretty mild. But I have this one little fault....okay I have more than one.....I do not like water. I am not a great swimmer and I don't have confidence in myself when I am doing any water sport.

So why would we have a family tradition to go down the river every year? Well, my husband LOVES water. He is one of those people who should have been a fish. He would swim every day if we had a pool. It doesn't matter if it is skiing or swimming, or rafting, or canoeing, or jet ski's, anything in the water and he loves it. So I do what any good wife does. I say yes when he wants to go and do those scary water things.

But I've learned something. Doing hard things gets easier over time. I know, you all know this...DUH! But the first time we ever went down the river I was terrified. We had a 7 yo a 6 yo and two 3 yo's. Everyone else at the river thought we were crazy too to bring so many little kids down the river. We asked one of the young men who was just home from a mission to come with us so he could help us paddle and rescue ME if needed. As we headed off down the river we were the last ones in because they didn't have enough life jackets for all our kids...really no one else had little kids. We hurried past all the other people so we wouldn't be in the water fights....that would probably cause our boat to sink! And we avoided as many rapids as possible at my request. It was so bad that our young man asked if he could get out and sneak in another boat...I'm sure we were taking all of the fun away from him. I could not wait for it to be over!

This last time we waited for the whole group to be in the water with us....we never do that, but we were confident that if we didn't want to get wet that we could get away pretty quickly...you see we've all learned how to row together now. We also bring our own life jackets...it's much easier than hopeing your kids jacket will fit. But this year we had many, many kids...even little kids. I was watching and looking at all the families that were there instead of just couples and older teens and I thought...hmmmm mabey we helped with this. Perhaps we helped others to feel like they could do it too. I'm glad about that. I'm glad that others now come as families. We also now take our time. We look for animals, we look at the scenery, we enjoy the rapids and peals of laughter come from the children, we race, we watch the other rafters and the fishermen, we are relaxed. This year at the end I wanted to do it again...lets just haul the boat back up to the dock and go down again.

Things that at one point are hard for us can become easy. We have faith, we trust the process, we know the pitfalls, we avoid the dangers, we come prepared, we enjoy the ride. I am trying to teach myself to feel this way at the point when things are hard for me. To let the stress and the worry and the concern go and just have faith, be patient, go slow, look for the good things around me. For me, this is part of what the Lord wants me to learn...secure not stressed. Things in life are always hard, or troubling, or scary. But that doesn't mean that I have to be ruled by those emotions. I can be calm and peaceful and give love to others even in the midst of the turbulent rapids. Some of this comes from being prepared, most comes from trusting in the Lord, some comes from having hope that all things work together for good in the end, some comes from knowing that I can learn and become more from any adventure we get swept away in.

One of the boats following us this year was a family of 3. A Dad and his two grown daughters. They each had these neat water guns and they had one target...US. About half way down the river we noticed them. We noticed they were sneaking up on us, we noticed that they would laugh occasionaly, we noticed that gleam in their eye. So we named them Sin....not in a mean way, but we talked about how sin is always following us. It is always right behind us. And even when you think you've paddled so far ahead that it could never catch up to you, there it is again. We would row and row and row and they always seemed to be just out of range. A few times I thought they were really going to get us. At one point after paddling so hard and turning around to find them not so far away I thought that I couldn't give much more. Don't we all feel this way in life. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a way that sin can't touch me...but it can. Sometimes I feel like I am fighting and fighting and not getting ahead. Sometimes I feel like I just want to give up and give in and be like everyone else, it would be so much easier just to get wet.

But, we didn't. We prevailed. We gave it our all and paddled hard for 20 strokes. We were near the end anyway...which doesn't feel like the time to paddle hard, but sometimes that is the most important stretch. The part when your tired, when it's been a long haul, when you think...what if we just don't make it. And then you give one more try, you put your heart back into it, you have faith, you turn to the Lord. He picks up the oar and finishes.

I was thinking about why....why do we not want to get wet so badly....well, most of us anyway. My brother has these funny sayings and one of them is, "once your wet, you stay wet." Maybe that is why. Maybe we are afraid of getting wet and staying wet. I know for me this year I was already pretty wet. I had the front of the boat this year and my loving husband in the back decided that he should steer the boat to get as many rapids head on as he could so I could get as wet as possible. A little way down I figured out his evil plan and started counteracting him, but I was still quite wet. It also rained this year. Not much you can do about hiding or paddling away from that. So why not just let Sin soak us? Why not for once in four years be a "wet" boat. Some of it is the thrill that we can outrun someone with all our little kids. Some of it is the fact that my kids tend to cry when someone drenches them...okay, just the one that is like me :). Some of it is that when we are wet many of us don't have enough body fat to produce enough heat and we get cold. But I really feel like it is a choice. We have chosen not to want to get wet (sorry dear). We like to be in control over our boat, over our "wet-ness". We want to choose. Now someday we (I) may give in and decide we want to get wet, but until we make that decision we want to try as hard as we can to stay out of situations where we know we would get wet.

This is kind of like life as well. Sometimes when we get wet it is easier just to go for it and get really wet. Sometimes when we sin it seems easier just to go on sinning. But it can get pretty cold out there in a canyon when the sun goes behind a cloud and your drenched. Sometimes we didn't know the evil plan that was being plotted in the back of the boat, and we got wet without realizing our errors. Some people even just made the choice...lets be a wet boat, and sin is just something they have chosen to be okay with. But there are always consequences. Sometimes we sink our boat. Sometimes we get hurt due to our fun. Sometimes we get lost and disoriented. Sometimes we feel like we can't keep going to the end. Sometimes we forget that there is a way to get dry again....The Son. (sun)

What a blessing it is to have the sun. When it comes out from beind the canyon wall, when you see it's beauty reflecting off the surface of the green, green water. When it's warmth touches you all the way to your bones. When you dry off and feel good and warm again. I love the sun. I also love The Son. He is all things good. He is safety and warmth to me. He is the way I can overcome when I just didn't make it. What a tremendous blessing is the Son of God.

Ah, the lesson you learn from the Green River.

Path of Happiness

A few days ago my good friend posted a post . I was so excited to try her idea. But as with all things I have to tweek them a little :0 ...make them my own.

I have been pondering lately how to do "heart" work and not just "body" work. What this means to me is that I teach my kids to work on their heart and not just on their outward actions. We all have done service, helped a stressed out mom, or made a casserole out of duty before. And I'm not saying that it is bad. But when we do heart work it FEELS different. It is doing something because I really love you and I'm sorry you've had these difficult days, and I WANT to serve you.

I want my kids to do chores because they love our family, because they want to preserve their mother for future generations :), because they want to serve each other and their parents. I want my kids to see a problem and fix it because they are leaders and they want to help. I want my kids to walk into a room and be inspired who to sit by, who needs their help, what God wants them to do in that room...This is heart work.

So, back to the ladder. I decided I was going to make the ladder, we made a cute little car like Milo's in the Phantom Toolbooth (our current reading) and put a little character of each of us in it and make a ladder from-20 to 200

Then each day as we begin a new our path to happiness we "earn" points collectively for:

getting up on time....getting up early earns us happiness because we seem to have plenty of time
in the day to do all of the things we need and want to do

getting chores done on time....getting chores done on time, or in a timely manner earns us all happiness because none of us wants to clean the kitchen all day long! It helps us be motivated to keep going and doing our best.

helping with family work....working together on a project earns us happiness. We have a clean home to live in.

choosing to learn during choices time.....it earns us happiness when we choose to learn, when we choose to spend our time wisely. (Disclaimer....I don't say, "oh, you choose to read today you choose happiness. I ask something like, What did you do during choices time that brought you happiness?...they can get one, or many points depending on what they choose. It makes me happy that they are accountable for the time the spend, as each of us are.)

sacrificing...when someone asks for an extra job, when someone helps someone else with a chore, when someone sees something that needs done and does it that brings lots of happiness...figuratively and actually :)

obedience...when someone obeys promptly we earn happiness. Obedience is the foundation for happiness. We are blessed when we obey.

I also give random bits of happiness when we are feeling happy. Good job helping Bear get dressed. Thanks for answering the phone when I couldn't make it. Thanks for remembering to pick up after yourself. All these things earn us happiness.

Unfortunatly some things take away from happiness.

Disobedience is a big one. No one is happy when we disobey.

Selfishness is another. We loose power when we choose to put ourselves first above God or above others

Bad attitudes is probably our biggest one....not that my kids throw tantrums or are unkind, but even the slightest sign of an unwilling heart can bring so much unhappiness and contention into our home.

It is nice to have a ladder for taking away happiness. I don't have to give a lecture, stand on a soap box, or doll out a punishment. Just a little reminder that we lost some happiness because of a bad attitude, or a lack of obedience.

I do give rewards for earning happiness. When we get to 200 happiness we earn a special outing, a field trip, a dinner out, a special treat.

This system is not for everyone. Hey, it probably won't even be for me in six weeks. But I love that when we choose to use a "chore" system or a "rewards" system it helps if the system has a purpose, has a "why", has a principle behind it. It helps if our system also teaches that we serve, obey, give, bless, and use our own agency to benefit others.

What do you do?

A New Friend

We've had a sweet little visitor come to our home this past week.

He came on Friday night via a DCFS social worker.

We don't care how he came, only that he came.

He misses his mommy and his daddy. He cries himself to sleep at night, missing them. It is hard to know how to help. I tell him that it is okay that he is sad. That it is okay to miss his mom and dad. I try not to talk too much about where they are or that he cannot see them.

At first he only wants to eat things that have sugar in them. This is a BIG problem at my house. I wonder if he might starve to death before we have him a week. Luckily the bishop's wife decided she wanted to bring us dinner for our new "baby" and she brought lots of bad for you food...pop, jello, and potato chips. All the friends were in heaven. I didn't think it was so great, but since I didn't have to cook dinner I won't complain. It was very sweet of her to be so kind. Today he finally drank a smoothie. Yipee..no one is going to waste away!

He has taken quite a liking to Moo. She is taking the place of his big sister for the time being. She totes him around and reads him stories and changes his diaper...he is 2.

He likes hub. They like to tickle and giggle together. I'm glad when hub comes home and makes him smile.

He sure likes to talk, and talk, and talk. He doesn't stop...seriously! It is fun to have a chatter in the house. We all tend to be a little quieter.

He will be here about 8 months. We found this out today. Guess it's time to bunk the kids beds. Get him on a schedule and work on potty training. I'll have to get the toddler books out again, it has been a while.

I always call my kids friends. I don't call them kids or guys or hey you. I like to refer to them as friends. They are my special friends who I sometimes get to give instructions and teaching to. We are happy to have a new friend join our family for a little while.

Serving with Joy and Ease

There was a great example in the book Raising Maidens of Virute about a family who takes a journey's to spend the night at another families home and how the family shows them hospitality and makes them feel so welcome.

We talked about some of the things this family did: Smells, Music, Sharing, Food, Cleaning, Extra Special Touches, Offering to serve them, etc.

The we talked about what the girls can do to be more like this in their families.

Heritage Notebook Quote

Greatness is not found in possessions, power, position, or prestige. It is discovered in goodness, humility, service and character.
William Arthur Ward

I will: (the girls each made a list or a goal of things they would like to do to improve their service to others...their hospitality to others, especially their family)

We talked about how Christ gave service and how Christ was hospitible...he feed the 5000, he washed his disciples feet, he welcomed others to join him, he took time for children. He gave all of himself to others.

Heritage Notebook Quote:
...Cheerfulness will not only carry you over the rough places in life, but will enable you to bring comfort and help to the weak-hearted and will console you in the sad hours.
William Osler

I can: (the girls each made a list or a goal of something that they would like to do to give service to others, like the Savior would)

Hospitality means generously providing care and kindness to whoever is in need
Service is a commonly used term to denote a service which is performed without any expectation of result or award for the person performing it.

What I learned:

I was talking with my kids about this after I read it with my daughter. Did this family just wakeup one morning and decide they were going to give hospitality to others? Did this mom just threaten her kids that they better behave when company was over---or else!? Or did this family just live this way all the time, even when it was just family?

I tend to think it was the latter. If we have good manners in our family, we will have good manners when others come for dinner. If we treat or families in a hospitible way, giving service, taking care of each others needs, putting others before ourselves, then we will naturally do the same with others. If we strive to always have a clean, nice smelling home with soft music playing and delicious smelling cookies in the oven then others will feel this welcome when they visit. It will be serving with Joy and Ease because that will be the way we live.

I do not live this way. I don't make cookies because then I would eat them, I have a hard time keeping up with all the cleaning because there are so many other more enjoyable things to do than scour that bathroom. I have a hard time working on good manners because sometimes that feels like one more thing to give a lecture about. BUT I have really learned this week that I would like to have a family like the one described in the book. I would like to go to my children's home when they are grown and feel the hospitality they give to their children and family and friends. How will they learn unless I set a good example. Luckily I still have time to try harder :)

I also shared with the girls about a time in my life when I was 20 and working as an accountant for a mortgage company. Some of my co-workers were not LDS. One day a friend and I were talking with a young man that had just began working for the company. He asked my friend if she was a "mormon". My friend said yes, and he asked a few questions about the church. Then my friend was teasing him and asked why he didn't ask me if I was "mormon." He said because she screams mormon. My first thought was to be offended....What? I never scream. But then I realized that he could not give me a better compliment. He did not need to ask my what my religion was because he already knew. He knew by the way I lived my life, by my actions and by my words.

This is the way I should live in my family. When others see my family I would like them to know that we are LDS, that we are Christians, that we believe in Jesus Christ and try to live our lives accordingly. I want my family to scream "mormon" because we do and say and show that we believe. It was a good reminder to talk to my kids about what we can do to be more that way. It was fun to have a discussion with these sweet girls about what they can do to be an example of Christ at all times, and in all things, and in all places. Those are not just words, those are beliefs and a way to live our lives each and every day. To serve God and others with Joy and Ease.

Recipe's
Homemade Noodles
2 to 2-1/2 cups all-purpose flour, divided
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 eggs, lightly beaten
1 tablespoon cold water
1 tablespoon canola oil
Directions
Place 2 cups flour and salt on a pastry board or in a deep bowl. Make a well in a center of the flour; add eggs and water. Gradually mix with hands or a wooden spoon until well blended.
Gather into a ball and knead on a floured surface until smooth, about 10 minutes. If necessary, add remaining flour to keep dough from sticking to surface or hands. Divide the dough into thirds. On a lightly floured surface, roll each section into a paper-thin rectangle. Dust top of dough with flour to prevent sticking while rolling. Trim the edges and flour both sides of dough.
Roll dough, jelly-roll style. Using a sharp knife, cut 1/4-in. slices. Unroll noodles and allow to dry on paper towels before cooking.
To cook, bring salted water to a rapid boil. Add 1 tablespoon oil to the water; drop noodles into water and cook until tender but not soft, about 7-10 minutes. Yield: 10 servings.

Homemade Sauces....Fettuchini

1/2 c real butter

1 pint (2 cups / 16 fl. oz.) heavy whipping cream

1 tsp. garlic powdersalt and pepper - to taste

1 dash cayenne pepper

2/3 cup fresh grated Parmesan OR Romano cheese

-In a 2-quart saucepan over medium-low heat, melt butter; add cream, garlic powder, and salt and peppers; simmer for 20-30 minutes, stirring constantly, until thick.-Remove sauce from heat and stir in cheese. Do not heat sauce after cheese has been added.-Serve sauce over hot fettuccine noodles and sprinkle with parsley, if desired.

Marinara
3T olive oil

3 c chopped onion

1T sugar

3T minced garlic (about 6 cloves)

2 tsp salt

2 tsp dried basil

1-1/2 tsp dried oregano

1 tsp dried thyme

2T balsamic vinegar

2 c chicken broth

6-10 crushed tomatoes
Heat oil in large stockpot over medium heat. Add onion, cook 4 minutes stirring frequently. Add sugar and next 6 ingredients (through thyme), cook 1 minute, stirring constantly. Stir in vinegar, cook 30 seconds. Add broth and tomatoes, bring to a simmer. Cook over low heat 50-60 minutes until thickened, stirring occasionally.
Yield: about 12 cups sauce